Hi Violet,
I’m 17 and my first serious boyfriend broke up with me today after two and a half years together and I just can’t deal. My whole world is suddenly different and I can’t do anything about it. I’m really struggling. You seem like such a kickass girl with a ton of confidence and I’m hoping you can help me out. I think you’re like perfect, lol. If you respond to me, it would mean everything.
Yours,
Victoria
Hi
Breaking up sucks, especially when it’s your first love. I dated a guy for two years when I was about your age and it didn’t end well. I gave him my virginity (vaginal and anal), plus a freakin’ mini fridge, and he still dumped me! I remember feeling so confused and down about myself. Like, why the hell wasn’t I good enough for him to want to be with me???
Even after the guy dumped me, I was so desperate for his love and approval that I sort of hung around for a while anyway. I put up with so much shit. One week, he ignored all my calls until Saturday, when he asked me to come over and talk. Figuring he’d finally come to his senses and wanted me back, I drove over to his place feeling so giddy. Finally, the love of my love had realized how amazing I am!!!
When I got to his place, however, it was immediately clear that he was a lot more interested in getting his dick wet than doing any talking. The minute he went to the bathroom, I grabbed his phone and searched through his texts. What I learned is that some other girl had been staying at his place the whole week, which explained why he’d been ignoring my ass. His texts to this girl were so fucking nice, I wanted to die. He told her she was amazing and the best thing that had ever happened to him. She had literally just left his place, which is why he’d finally answered my calls and told me to come over.
I left his house feeling so hurt and confused, but I still texted him later on to see what he was doing because I needed him to want me. His response? “Please don’t text me anymore. It’s disrespectful to the girl I’m seeing.” He’d been with that girl for two fucking weeks and suddenly he was fucking Romeo?!
I couldn’t handle it. I started balling uncontrollably and I could barely breathe. It was like my heart had exploded, and the life was being squeezed out of me one essential organ at a time.
Later that night, though, when he texted me around 2 AM, I didn’t respond. I wanted to, but I didn’t let myself because I knew I had to move on once and for all. I blocked him on every social media account so I wouldn’t be tempted to stalk him. But I was still a total mess. Every night for at least two weeks, I cried myself to sleep. I didn’t want to talk to anyone, or eat anything. I wanted to sleep, and I started popping whatever pills I could find in my mom’s medicine cabinet to numb the pain.
But guess what, Victoria? I was still breathing, and I was fine. I acted like it was the end of the world because it felt like it was at the time, but I was wrong. For fucks sake, I was 19 years old! If anything, it was just the beginning. I learned so much in the aftermath of that first heartbreak. And so will you, Victoria!
Most importantly, I soon realized that penises come in all different shapes and sizes! Plus, I figured out that there’s way more to sex than the fucking missionary position. I also learned that my first love actually had a small penis. Years later, I can’t believe I ever wanted to marry that tiny penis and have ordinary sex and an ordinary life with him just because I didn’t know any better. Boy am I glad I didn’t make that mistake!!! Guess what else, Victoria!?!? I met another boy just a few months later, as soon as I stopped looking for love. Just like that, I forgot about my ex altogether.
The point that I am trying to make is that life goes on no matter what, and we’ve all been there. I won’t lie to you and tell you that I never cried myself to sleep over other silly boys, because I did. But I can promise you that your first heartbreak is always the hardest.
Looking back, I regret wasting so much time on boys that didn’t deserve me because I didn’t understand my value. I regret that it took me so long to understand how wonderful I am. Victoria, you are too young to be sitting around dwelling on some boy. You will look back at this and regret all of the time you wasted crying over someone who doesn’t understand how much you fucking rock! I understand how much you rock. So do your friends and family. And guess what!? So will the next boy you meet who sweeps you off your feet. Learn to love yourself first and the right guy will come into your life at the right time.
Please believe me when I say that you need to move on and that you will be just fine.
I love you. Hang in there. Better days are coming. That bastard did you a favor, trust me.
xo
Daddy Issues
