40 Signs He’s Just Not That Into You

June 17, 2018 by Violet Benson

This is a pretty common topic, so even though I’ve already written a similar blog , I feel inclined to write a more comprehensive, updated version. Dating these days has just gotten so hard. There are so many options out there, less people seem willing to commit, and more people seem to be looking for attention instead of a genuine connection. It’s frighteningly common these days to be led on by someone for a few months who keeps a few options lying around while they figure out what they really want.

Before I decided to write this blog, I noticed how many misleading articles there are about commitment-phobic guys: 10 Signs He Likes You Too Much To Commit, 12 Signs He’s Too Afraid To Fall For You, or 6 Signs He’s Going To Leave His GF For You. Like wait What?!?!! SIS NOOOO what is you doing? Who wrote these and why are you reading them? It’s really black-and-white with guys: if he likes you, he will do anything in his power to get you.

So to respond to these misleading articles, If he liked you too much, he would commit… probably forever. The only reason he’d be too afraid to fall for you is because he probably has someone else in his life. And lastly, ever heard of Karma? Don’t be going after other girls’ boyfriends—that will come back and bite you in the ass ya little hussy, so keep it in your pants. There are plenty of other emotionally unavailable guys out there for you, just keep looking sugar thighs.

If you’re still wondering whether or not he likes you, below are 40 signs you can use to figure that out:

  1. If he’s texting you all day but not making concrete plans, he’s really into the attention but just not that into you.

2. If he only talks to you about sex, he’s just not that into you.

3. If he watches all of your IG stories/snaps, even replies to them, maybe even likes your IG pics but NEVER calls or texts you to take you out then he is just not that into you and is keeping you on the back burner while searching for something better. It takes very little effort to like a pic or to watch someone’s story. It takes way more effort to actually think about you and call you. Anyway, before you start crying, let’s keep going!

4. If he’s only talking about himself and doesn’t bother asking about your day or life, he’s just not that into you.

5. If he tells you he’s emotionally unavailable or he’s not looking for anything right now RUN because he’s just not that into you.

6. If he’s telling you about other girls he’s talking to, he’s just not that into you.

7. If he’s trying to take it slow and makes comments like, “Let’s just see where this goes,” or “I’m just so busy with work right now,” or “My ex and I broke up five years ago and I’m still healing,” or “I just want to work on our friendship first,” he’s just not that into you (not to mention the other six girls he’s currently entertaining, including his ex).

8. If he thinks of the simple things you ask for as “too many expectations” and/or calls you high maintenance, he’s just not that into you.

9. If he makes you feel guilty for ever feeling upset or asking “too many” questions, he’s just not that into you.

10. If your relationship feels one-sided and you’re the only one making an effort to the point that you’re afraid that if you don’t reach out, you probably wont hear from him, he’s just not that into you.

11. If he fills your head with lies and promises but doesn’t actually deliver, he’s just not that into you.

12. If he takes hours to days to get back to you because “he’s been so busy,” or doesn’t respond at all sometimes, he’s just not that into you.

13. If he only hits you up at 2am, he’s just not that into you.

14. If he is constantly criticizing you, he’s just not that into you (and he’s a forking insecure asshole that’s taking his insecurities out on you).

15. If he’s constantly adding a ton of other girls on Instagram, liking their pictures, and leaving thirsty comments, he’s just not that into you.

16. If he’s not going down on you and only cares about his sexual needs, he’s just not that into you.

17. If he shows zero interest in the things that you do or like or really anything about you except your vagina and you feel like you’re constantly feeding his ego, he’s just not that into you.

18. If he openly flirts with other women right in front of you, he’s just not that into you.

19. If he treats you like everyone else and doesn’t even really look at you when you’re around, he’s just not that into you.

20. If he’s not rushing you into sex, he probably just has a small pipi (hehe just had to include this one).

21. If he goes radio silent on you for days to a week at a time and has done this more than once, he’s just not that into you.

22. If he’s not including you in his future plans and/or you have to find out via social media when he’s out of town, he’s just not that into you.

23. If he doesn’t seem to care about your relationships with other men whatsoever—if he doesn’t even demonstrate a tad of jealousy or address being exclusive or anything like that—he’s just not that into you.

24. If he’s never done anything nice for you and just does the bare minimum so you stick around, he’s just not that into you.

25. If he’s never vulnerable with you and never really opens up emotionally, he’s just not that into you.

26. If he never takes you out and only tries to “chill” (aka Netflix and anal), he’s just not that into you.

27. If he comes on strong at first but then suddenly backs off, he’s just not that into you (truth is, he found someone new to give him attention).

28. If he’s the kind of guy you don’t feel comfortable calling when you need help, he’s just not that into you.

29. If he never talks about his family or friends and you’ve never met either, he’s just not that into you.

30. If your friends can’t stand him (I know this one is odd but sometimes your friends can see what you’re too blind to see), he’s just not that into you and it’s time to move on.

 31. If he’s constantly too busy for you but magically always has time for his friends, he’s just not that into you.

32. If he cancels plans at the last minute, blows you off when you try to make plans, and never sets an actual time to see you, he’s just not that into you (even if he blows up your phone all the time—he just likes the attention).

33. If he confuses the shit out of you and always keeps you guessing, he’s just not that into you.

34. If you’re always the one going the extra mile for him then at this point not only is he just not that into you but you’re also being used, sis.

35. If you’re constantly wondering how he feels about you, he’s just not that into you because when a man wants something they make it known.

36. If everything seems like it’s done on his terms and conditions, he’s just not that into you.

37. If he’s really brief in texts, never calls, and always asks to hang out at the last minute, he’s just not that into you and you’re his last resort.

38. If he’s not fighting for you and doesn’t care if you walk away, he’s just not that into you. You deserve someone who fights for you!

39. If he’s always angry every time he talks to you, he’s clearly holding onto hurt feelings and it’s time to let go. (This is more of a post breakup one.)

40. If you don’t feel like he’s that into you or he tells you point blank that he’s not that into you, then sis open your eyes! He’s JUST NOT THAT INTO YOU.

40.1. If you’re reading this blog thinking about him, most likely your gut feeling is correct and he’s just not that into you.


PPS. Hey cutie you look nice 🙂 But just a quick reminder in case you forgot and already made a ton of excuses for your situation…… um ya, HE’S STILL NOT THAT INTO YOU.

As hard as it is to accept, the truth is that if he wanted you, you’d know. If he doesn’t want you now, he’s not going to want you later, so stop waiting around. Fighting for someone who doesn’t want to stay will only make it harder for you to let go and will also lower your sense of self-worth. Look, I’ve been there and I’m really attractive, hilarious, and modest, if I may say so myself, so this comes as a shock to me too… but at least you know you’re not alone. (that was my attempt at cracking a joke to lighten up the mood. he he I crack myself up. okay back to you princess).

It hurts when someone doesn’t want you, but it hurts even more to keep chasing someone who doesn’t care.

When you find the right person, he won’t make you question yourself. He won’t let you go to bed sad. You’ll never have to worry about him “finding” time for you, because if he wanted you, he’d make an effort and if he missed you, he’d make the time. He would fight for you. And he’ll let you know how much you mean to him and how everything is better now that you’re around.

So let go of whomever it is you’re thinking about while reading this blog, no matter how hard it might be. And please don’t blame yourself, you didn’t do anything wrong. Never apologize for being who you are. You are not hard to love and you’re more than enough. You offered your love to someone who wasn’t ready to accept it, and that’s okay—it’s his loss. Sometimes not everything makes sense immediately, but eventually you will look back and understand why it didn’t work out.

There is someone out there who will see all of your flaws, and still love you the same, if not more. You deserve that. You deserve to be loved. You deserve the love you so desperately keep trying to give to all the wrong people, so make room in your heart for someone new. Because love is not meant to be hard—it never is when it’s with the right person.



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  • doufree
    June 17, 2018 / Reply

    I believe all your points work for hers and hims. I wish I’d read something like this a long, long time ago. But I probably would not have listened even if you were sitting across a table from me.

    Don’t be me! Be you.

  • Lily
    June 17, 2018 / Reply

    This list just makes me even more confused to be honest. I am asking myself now if I’m really that into him! (I’m a 26-year-old woman.) I can be a weird mix of clingy and distant, so I’m currently trying to keep my emotions at bay and not fall for him. Yet I like this dude! But am I way more bored t

    • Violet Benson
      June 17, 2018 / Reply

      Those are all just excuses you’re making because he’s just not that into you. We always “don’t know” what we want when the guy is confusing us and we do the back and fourth for the attention to see if they care but if they did, we wouldn’t be doing the back and fourth. You clearly should also work on yourself and loving yourself before you continue to date the type of boys you are currently dating…. no one will ever be able to provide you with the love you are currently lacking with yourself. Also, it doesn’t sound healthy. Best of luck!! xx

  • Lily
    June 17, 2018 / Reply

    But am I way more bored than in love? It’s not because I like to keep my options open, but I fear rejection. I have a fear of commitment (or vulnerability), because I hate the thought of losing a person I really like. Basically, I don’t feel good enough. Thanks for making this list, though!

  • Christina
    June 17, 2018 / Reply

    I needed this. Advice I’ve been needing to hear but haven’t been told by even my closest friends and family. Thank you

  • Em
    June 17, 2018 / Reply

    Damn. How do you know my life, sis? I laughed at 40.1 and then cried reading everything after. It sucks but you’re right. Blaming myself and making excuses for why he’s not reaching out is not going to help. If he wanted me, he would fight for me. Thanks for the reminder ❤️

  • Alexandra
    June 17, 2018 / Reply

    Girl, I’m loving this!! Thank you so much! I’m still recovering from my ex who was…let’s say.. not that into me. So this definitely made me feel a lot better!

  • Kiisu
    June 17, 2018 / Reply

    I needed this soooo badly today. Too bad he is so freaking hot and smart But he is deffo not into me… so now all I have to achieve , is to not get drunk and text HIM at 2am ‍♀️ Girl.. you got this!!! This is me trying to hype myself that I can do it. Delete the fucking nr

  • Michelle
    June 17, 2018 / Reply

    Thanks so much, really needed that. There are way too many points i can check off…

  • Rebeca Soto
    June 17, 2018 / Reply

    This is PURE GOLD!

  • Ana
    June 17, 2018 / Reply

    I really needed to read this today. Thank you, Violet.
    You’re an inspiration for me, xoxo

  • Vanessa Pedreiro
    June 17, 2018 / Reply

    Preach sister. This is everything. We all need to learn when it’s time to let it go and, most importantly, we need to trust our gut feeling. If he’s not that into us, then too bad for him. We’ll find someone else who actually treats us the way we deserve.

  • Jewel
    June 17, 2018 / Reply

    It’s sad because I couldn’t relate to most of these examples, he is the greatest sweetest guy/best friend I could ever have. But he has a gf. I see him everyday. He is interested in my life and my love life. He takes care of me when I lack funds or transportation. He gets jealous, idk I hate boys

    • Violet Benson
      June 18, 2018 / Reply

      WHAT!?! HE HAS A GIRLFRIEND LOL… this should be a no brainer without this list. You are being friend zoned and even if you weren’t and he finally went for you, guess what baby cakes? he will eventually leave you for a friend as well.

  • Damla Kırkbeşoğlu
    June 18, 2018 / Reply

    So true, sometimes we don’t want to except that he is not that into us. But, it is happening. Rn there is no problem for me. Actually I think I am the problem but thank u for this blog I really enjoyed it. Kisses from Turkey. ❤️ ily

  • L.M
    June 18, 2018 / Reply

    Wow. Especially the last part about making excuses about him not being that into you! It’s exactly what I was Doing as I was Reading every single sign. Time to be strong and have some self respect.

  • Louison
    June 18, 2018 / Reply

    It is so damn true… I knew already he wasn’t that into me, and even if many of those points occurred in our « relationship », I just can’t let him go. Why is it so hard? I feel like he will still change his mind even though I feel used and underrated… any advice to let him go for good?

  • Reet
    June 18, 2018 / Reply

    loveeee u for this….

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    June 18, 2018 / Reply

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  • Victoria
    June 24, 2018 / Reply

    Although I truly loved the show, Sex&theCity has taught one thing wrong to women everywhere – she ended up with Big anyway despite that guy being everything on your list. I “dated” a guy like that for 4y (on and mostly off ofc) and it really mostly is a lesson of self-worth, so girls – get strong <3

  • Kelsie
    June 25, 2018 / Reply

    Love this! So accurate!

  • Noely
    June 27, 2018 / Reply

    I love what you do Violet! You gave me the balls to end something that shouldn’t have started to begin with. Thank you for keeping me woke, and helping me realize that I deserve the world and nothing less.

  • Veedidee
    June 28, 2018 / Reply

    Omg. So much truth honey! Can we get this posted in the girls bathroom of every bar and club?????? Please!

  • Charlsey
    June 28, 2018 / Reply

    This is seriously just what I needed today. Had my heart crushed by a guy I was seeing for 6months out of no where and really thought the relationship was going somewhere. With not much closure I’ve been dying to reach back out but this post helped me realize it’s just a waste of my time. Thank you!

  • Leisl Dantzler
    June 29, 2018 / Reply

    I’ll be damned if “Silly of Me” didn’t come on just as I was reading this.

  • Noely
    July 13, 2018 / Reply

    Can you do a “signs She’s just not that into you”

  • Beth
    July 15, 2018 / Reply

    Thank you!

  • carlos
    July 27, 2018 / Reply

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  • Apala Bhattacharjee
    August 14, 2018 / Reply

    This list is great, hands down. I think you’re doing a great job, Violet. No offense, but um… Isn’t all of it just common sense…?
    Personally, I am in a happy relationship he makes me feel like a queen. But I know some friends who’d highly benefit from this list.

  • Amanda
    August 28, 2018 / Reply

    I really, really needed to read this. Everything you wrote is so true! Thank you.

  • Pearls
    September 23, 2018 / Reply

    Wow Violet. I came across this at the perfect time. Thank you so much for these words. I literally felt like you were talking directly to me. I have never doubted my gut feeling up until recently but this whole post just reminded me that your gut feeling will never ever be wrong. Gracias chica

  • majorly
    October 8, 2018 / Reply

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  • J
    October 20, 2018 / Reply

    This really hit home, it really did. I just felt tears glide down my cheeks while reading this because I never thought what I was feeling for the longest time could be so true. I finally have the courage of letting him free, living on false hope is a big mistake and now I want to heal those wounds.

  • Mary
    January 10, 2019 / Reply

    Thank you. ❤️

  • Tabitha
    January 26, 2019 / Reply

    really awesome read!
    the only thing missing is a bottle of wine and a bat to go swing at his car window! just kidding….maybe. lol
    either way, this was completely helpful and heart wrenching that atleast 38 out of 40 fit my case. definitely time to let this guy go!

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    April 20, 2019 / Reply

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    August 5, 2019 / Reply

    I have been in relationship with my boyfriend for 2 year now and we were planning to get married soon and all of a sudden he left me for another girl, i really love this guy and never can imagine my life without him. I further tried all my best to get him back but all my effort to get him back in m