Know When It’s Time To Let Go Of The Wrong Person

May 10, 2017 by Violet Benson

I know how it feels, sitting there trying to figure out what you could have done differently. Playing scenarios over and over in your head. Analyzing texts, trying to figure out the exact moment things went wrong. Questioning yourself and whether it was all your fault.

I mean, why isn’t your love enough? Why doesn’t this person see how amazing you are and how much you have to offer? Why are you chasing this person just to get back to the way things once were?

When someone breaks your heart, it’s hard to not let it get to you. It’s hard to not to let it bruise your ego. It’s hard to let it go—even if they weren’t right for you and all the signs pointed to that end. Letting go means admitting defeat, and no one likes to do that. It’s our need to feel wanted and loved that makes us hold onto the wrong person for longer than we should.

We’ve all been told: “You’re too good for him!” “He doesn’t deserve you!” “You can do better!” And yet we STILL DON’T LISTEN. You know you’re being treated badly, and that you deserve more. And yet you sit in a pool of denial, staring at your phone, waiting for him to text you back. You tell yourself that if you stick around for long enough and let him walk all over you or play his stupid games, eventually you’ll win.

But the only person who ends up getting hurt is you. The moment you try to prove your worth to someone is the moment you’ve already lost.

For me, it doesn’t matter how long I’ve known someone. If I meet someone and we click, I’m theirs. I forget how hard I’ve been protecting my fragile heart, and how long it took me to piece it back together. And then, just like that, they let me down. It doesn’t matter how strong I am. The minute I let someone in and they end up taking my love for granted, it completely and utterly destroys me.

So I sit there in tears in an empty room like a wounded puppy, surrounded by silence. The voice in my head says, “I told you so!” And then I start to wonder: Was I too much again? Why wasn’t I enough? Is it really that hard to love me? Please stay. I know I can be hard to love, but I’m trying. Please don’t break my heart. It’s been broken so many times, I’m starting not to recognize it anymore…

I then give myself two days to be crazy and cry it out. And no, I’m not talking about those little bitch tears you cry after watching one of those super depressing dog pound commercials. I’m talking about the straight-up Niagara Falls you experience after watching Titanic or Schindler’s List for the first time. I cry till I can’t breathe and I look like I should be admitted into an insane asylum.

On those two days, I completely disconnect myself from the world and break down. I obsess, stalk, feel insecure, stuff my face with carbs and ice cream, scream, shout, and completely hate myself the entire time.

But the next day, no matter how hurt I still am, I let go. I don’t let them see my pain. I don’t reach out. Once I say goodbye, I mean it. At a certain point, I promised myself I’d never go back to anyone who took me for granted, whether we’d dated once or for years. And I’ve kept that promise.

I don’t know if it’s because I’m a Scorpio or if it’s my ego, but the thought of letting someone in—someone I thought was special and worthy—so they can see me at my most vulnerable and then fail to appreciate that, fuels a fire inside me.

There is something about someone breaking me down and making me feel worthless for a moment that makes them nothing to me for a lifetime. I don’t love them. I don’t hate them. I nothing them.

I was magic wrapped in gold but that boy preferred silver. So why should I sit there and be sad over a boy who didn’t know what he wanted? He’s the one that should be sad. After all, he lost me.

I don’t believe in getting even. What I believe is that the best revenge is moving forward—never backwards. If you stick around, you will crash and burn and if you go back to what once broke you, it will destroy you. So take him off that pedestal you put him on, strip him of whatever it is you thought you fell for and really consider his bad qualities, including not realizing what was right in front of him. If that’s not his worst quality, I don’t know what is.

By the time he comes back (TRUST ME, HE WILL! THEY ALWAYS DO!), you won’t even want him anymore. You won’t need him to make you feel whole because you’ll be whole all on your own.

The truth is, love isn’t easy but it’s worth it—especially when it’s with the right person. And when the right person comes along, you’ll say, “Ah, there you are, my missing puzzle piece! Good thing I waited for you…”


Leave a Reply to Christa CANCEL

    May 10, 2017 / Reply

    Keep it up Violet…

    love you❤️❤️❤️

  • Naz
    May 10, 2017 / Reply

    You are right! I know how it’s feels. I have been through a lot things with just one girl I loved, but at the end I figured it out I was just fucking haning out with the wrong person wanna just play around!

  • Brandi
    May 10, 2017 / Reply

    I am going through a break up with someone I’ve been on & off with for a year and a half. It’s been toxic & I’ve accepted everything he’s done. Throw in the fact that we still work together to add another layer of complication. This post is exactly what I’m going through right now. Thank you <3

  • Aim
    May 10, 2017 / Reply

    ‘I was magic etapped in gold, but he wanted silver’ Damn. You don’t even know how in time this is for me. Just woke up, checked my phone…no text from him for the third day in a row, when we have been in touch 24/7 for the last 3 months. Thanks for this post!

  • Taylor Pamela
    May 10, 2017 / Reply

    This was beautiful to read and something I needed to hear. Thank you for being so real. Unfortunately I feel like everyone needs to go through this to really realize what they deserve and to make them stronger.

  • Jacqueline
    May 10, 2017 / Reply

    Honestly this blog is so relatable. “It’s our need to feel wanted and loved that makes us hold onto the wrong person for longer than we should” is sooooo true. I wish I could be strong to not continuously go back or take back 🙁

  • Ingrid de Leon Herrera
    May 10, 2017 / Reply

    Wow! That was lit! Thanks for posting this!
    I relate 100% and ur words really make sense rn. Just what I needed!
    Btw I follow u on IG and I luv ur posts!

  • Noely
    May 10, 2017 / Reply

    Thank you so much for everything that you do for us. ❤️ Reading this was as if you were speaking to me… trying to help me get over a stupid boy.. “I told you so” seems to be the thing that friends like to tell us after a boy breaks our heart. I never related to something so much….

  • Sandra
    May 10, 2017 / Reply

    Great one! Leave those who broke your heart just because they were scared BEHIND! And respect yourself more to know you deserve better!

  • Oriana
    May 10, 2017 / Reply

    Thank you so much for this! You could have said it better. Reading this has help me more than my therapist, it’s almost like you took my thoughts and put them into an awesome, helpful article. You said everything I’ve been thinking about. Even though I still feel broken-hearted this really helped me

    • Oriana
      May 10, 2017 / Reply

      Couldn’t have said it better****

  • Nina
    May 10, 2017 / Reply

    Thank you for writing this! It is truly what I needed to read right now ❤️

  • Bridgette
    May 10, 2017 / Reply

    This is so good. Thank you!

  • Miss Njiiri
    May 10, 2017 / Reply

    I literally felt like you’re speaking my truth.. how I’ve been feeling for the longest time.. you put that in words! I love you sooo much Violet ❤️❤️❤️❤️

  • Christa
    May 10, 2017 / Reply

    Thank you for letting me know I’m not alone! This is exactly what I needed to hear right now

  • lola
    May 10, 2017 / Reply

    Thanks for the post, have been going through smth similiar that’s been messing with my head&heart for a while now. I guess everyone needs a wake up call sometimes and your post did the job for me 🙂

  • Marissa
    May 10, 2017 / Reply

    Thank you SO MUCH for always speaking your mind. Like others have said, you put into words what i want to, but didn’t know how to express. I’m so happy i read this today! Needed to hear this badly,
    breakups are so hard and even worse when the other party doesn’t even care. Thanks again! ❤

  • Kellie
    May 10, 2017 / Reply

    Such wisdom. Proud of you for such an honest deep look into your own heart and putting it out there for everyone to know that it’s not just them that feel like that. I am going through a big struggle (way beyond the point from when I should have left him in the first place) and your words hit home.

  • kcteun
    May 10, 2017 / Reply

    Have you seen a therapist? I won’t try to diagnose you via blog, but there is treatment available that will help you form healthier relationships. Good luck.

  • Margot
    May 10, 2017 / Reply

    Thank you for this Violet. I needed this. ❤️❤️
    I feel like you’re always saying what I’m thinking. Keep it up!

  • Kary
    May 10, 2017 / Reply

    It’s beautiful to read something and to feel so connected to it. I am also a Scorpio and share these same feelings that you described.It’s crazy, really. It’s important to support each other as women like this and to Stay strong and move forward like you said. Thank you!

  • Stephanie cardenas
    May 11, 2017 / Reply

    I loved this. Amen. To all of it!

  • Anukriti
    May 11, 2017 / Reply


  • Vonny
    May 11, 2017 / Reply

    I’ve literally been going thru a breakup and read this is and it’s amazing! Most of these things i realized on my own in time but definitely motivating that im a bad bitch and need no fuck boy (:

  • Kristin Sickel
    May 11, 2017 / Reply

    Really love this, and really needed it. Great piece thank you:) ❤️

  • Austin K
    May 11, 2017 / Reply

    Beautiful piece sunshine! The amount I relate to this is catastrophic. It touched me and I felt every word. Thank you Violet

  • Clemence
    May 24, 2017 / Reply

    Really impressed by your writing. You’re as good as being hilarious than deep and touching. I’m also a Scorpio and I feel and do exactly what you described so perfectly. We’re passionate people. As hard as I tried, I can’t change that. But I have faith that the right person will come along ❤️

  • Cassandra
    June 21, 2017 / Reply

    This is extremely empowering. I absolutely loved this and it’s exactly what I needed to hear!

  • Estelle
    June 22, 2017 / Reply

    I needed this tonight, thank you.

  • Jacqueline Rodriguez
    June 23, 2017 / Reply

    Love it!!!!

  • Lola
    May 14, 2018 / Reply

    PLS WRITE A BOOK (or at least more blog posts lol) Your blog posts help me more than you could know.. u are my Oprah

  • Yc
    June 15, 2018 / Reply

    Thank you

  • Shini
    June 16, 2018 / Reply

    I needed this so badly right now. Thank you!

  • Bindu
    June 16, 2018 / Reply

    I love this post. Thank you so much.

  • Laura
    June 16, 2018 / Reply

    I loved it ! Thank you for writing it ♥️!

  • K
    June 16, 2018 / Reply

    Thank you xx

  • Jonathan
    July 8, 2018 / Reply

    How do you get rid of that associated feeling of when your phone rings or when you receive a text message, that you get your hopes up, even if for a split second, thinking it’s her, only to be further disappointed when it’s not her. How and when does that go away…

    • Violet Benson
      July 9, 2018 / Reply

      Honestly, time is the only thing that helps. Eventually you have to realize that it’s over and eventually you stop waiting around. I know it’s hard but you’re going to make through this hard time and move on soon. I promise.

  • Shelby
    August 12, 2018 / Reply

    This was everything & all.

  • Cassie J
    October 4, 2018 / Reply

    I happen to stumble upon this. I’m baffled at every sentence that you wrote and how it just spoke to me and related to me currently. I found such comfort because it is a relief that I’m not the only girl whose felt like this. Thank you. Just thank you. ❤️