On this episode, called “Oathbreaker,” it seems like the title didn’t only apply to Jon Snow but also to the rest of the cast. Most of the characters seemed angry, like they’re fed up with the rules they’re forced to live within, and for good reason if you ask me.
I know I said last week’s episode was epic, but I want to take it back and say that THIS episode was EPIC. No one was murdered but there were still so many twists and turns tonight. Before we get started, quick warning for all of the cry babies out there, that this blog contains a ton of SPOILER ALERTS.
Correction: I totally forgot 4 people and one direwolf died. LOL. I gotta stop drinking…or do I!? Lets play a drinking game where you drink every time I make a sex joke about Jon Snow.
The episode starts with Jon Snow’s naked body (can I get a “Hell yeah”?) and everyone’s “O” faces at the fact that Jon came back to life—meanwhile we’re left waiting in suspense to see what’s different about him. Jon claims that he saw nothing after death, which means that my theory that Jon was a warg and his spirit moved to his direwolf, Ghost, was a total bust, and also that I really gotta stop drinking (just kidding). He does not seem evil, he remembers everything up until his death, and overall just looks tired, confused, and like death has really aged him (he clearly needs a woman’s touch to put him at ease. Cough, cough.)
Melisandre wastes no time as the faith of religion returns into her eyes to convey to Jon that the Lord of Light brought him back for a reason and that, “Stannis was not the prince who was promised, but someone has to be,” insinuating that Jon has been her Azor Ahai all along. It seems like this prince-to-be is a bit too shaken up to care for this at the moment, since, you know, he’s still recovering from being stabbed by his friends and coming back to life and all.
Davos tries to comfort Jon by saying things like, “You were dead and now you’re not.” Ah, thanks for pointing out the obvious, Davos—why don’t you sit this one out? This (among many other obvious reasons) is why they need women around that place. Jon then sheds a tear, which totally gives me a lady boner since I love watching men cry. (Talk about daddy issues.) All jokes aside, this moment does show how much Jon’s spirit has been broken and how he may be giving up on his Castle Black brothers.
Jon then goes to greet his fellow Castle Black brothers (the ones who did not participate in the fun “Stab Your Lord Commander” game), who all seem very shocked to see him. His Wildings pal Tormund Giantsbane breaks the ice (while smiling, which is a first for him) with a little fun joke. Jon says, “I’m not a god,” to which Tormund says “I know that, I saw your pecker. What kind of god would have a pecker that small?” And then they both giggle as Jon’s face quickly becomes serious again when he realizes that the one thing that definitely has not changed by coming back to life was the size of his burrito. To be honest, I don’t care how small that little carrot is, I’d play with his fun pack any day of the week. (Are you drunk yet, sugar tits??)
The episode ends with Jon executing the four men who broke the oath by, you know…stabbing their Lord Commander to death (although they killed him believing that he was the one who broke the oath). As the Lord Commander, Jon has no choice but to follow the Night’s Watch’s rules and execute these four men, including Olly, whose balls probably haven’t even dropped yet. (Speaking of Olly, I bet at this moment he’s probably thinking how this is the worst Boy Scouts summer camp he’s ever been to.)
As we’re forced to watch the faces of these three men and Olly being executed, I couldn’t help but feel like Olly’s angry little lips right before he died resembled an angry butthole. (LOL. I am going to hell…see you all there.) All jokes aside, this execution, even of young little Olly, really shows how angry Jon is—angry enough to forgo the compassion that has carried him this far.
Once that is over and Jon has fulfilled the oath that he took—“Night gathers, and now my watch begins. It shall not end until my death…”—Jon leaves Castle Black; but not before handing the Lord Commander’s clock to Dolorous Edd, saying, “My watch has ended,” since, in fact, his watch has ended, which means he is not an oathbreaker, per se.
Where do you think Jon will go next? Is it my house? Maybe (he’s playing hard to get, so probably not). Will he go find Sansa, who he thinks is still at Winterfell? Probably! Also, will Melisandre and Davos follow him? They’re kinda both terrible at making friends and don’t seem to belong anywhere else at this point, either.
(One last comment about Jon, and, no, it does not involve my vagina and his penis this time.
The stab wounds on Jon’s body seem to have remained as scars, which makes me wonder whether that image is opening up a door for us to recognize such scars on someone else who may appear later on the show who was also brought back to life. To anyone who has read the books, please tell me that you know whom I am referring to in this paragraph! I am doing my best to not mention it so that I don’t ruin it for rest of us. Of course, it is a possibility that she does not come back since the writers of the show have really stirred away from many story lines in the book now.)
Here’s everything else that happened leading up to Jon’s big decision to leave Castle Black:
We move on to Gilly and Sam, who are like totally #GOT #relationshipgoals since they are literally the only alive, non-related couple on this show at the moment.
Sam and Gilly are on their way to Oldtown, as Sam continues to show his manliness by experiencing seasickness and throwing up while Gilly comforts him. Sam is off to become a Maester for Jon Snow, and he is still clearly unaware of Jon’s sudden career change (if only they had cell phones). He asks Gilly to stay with his family in Horn Hill in the meantime since women are not allowed at the Citadel, where he is headed.
Sam tells Gilly that his mum and sisters are nice but his father, Lord Tarly, is a prick, and Gilly tries to assure him that she and her child will be fine. She calls Sam “the father of my child”—which I totally chuckled at.
We move on to another epic flashback of Bran Stark. This time we see young Ned Stark with Meera’s father, Howland Reed, and two other men on the search for Ned’s sister, Lyanna. (I had no idea these two would know each other. The plot thickens!) They are met by two members of the Targaryens’ Kingsguard—one of them being Ser Arthur Dayne—ordered by Prince Rhaegar (who is dead at this point) to guard the tower.
Ser Arthur Dayne has been mentioned as one of the greatest swordsmen and truest knights of his day a couple of times throughout the show. He draws his sword and fights the four men, including Ned, without breaking a sweat. At one point, he is left to battle Ned alone; Bran seems baffled as it is very clear that Dayne’s sword skills surpass Ned’s, yet he recalls his father’s stories of how he beat Dayne in this exact battle.
Out of nowhere Howland Reed, not quite dead, sneaks up behind Dayne and stabs him through the throat, saving Ned. Bran is upset at this dishonorable attack, and I don’t blame him. I wonder why Ned, being such an honorable man, decided to lie about this story to his children; it seems way off character for him. My only thought about this lie was that Ned concealed the truth of this story due to what happened moments later when he entered that tower, where a woman was heard screaming.
It was interesting to see that when Bran yelled out “Father,” it seemed as if Ned heard him, or something, since he turned around. But just as we’re about to find out what’s in the tower (I’m guessing it’s Lyanna giving birth to Jon. But it could possibly also reveal Jon Snow’s possible twin sister Meera!) the Three-Eyed Raven nervously decides it’s a good time to leave.
When they return back to reality, where Bran can no longer walk, I wondered if it means something that Ned almost heard him shout “Father.” I wondered if it means that he could possible get hurt during his visions, and also if he has the ability to change the past. Unfortunately, the Three-Eyed Raven crushed my dreams when he said, “The past is already written. The ink is dry,” insinuating that rewriting the past is impossible.
The Three-Eyed Raven, who doesn’t have to be 1,000 years old to sense Bran’s anger towards him, tries to explain to Bran that they had to leave: “Stay too long where you don’t belong and you will never return.” He also states how he’s been around all these years waiting for Bran so that Bran could learn everything from him. (Cough, about Jon’s real parents, cough.)
The Dothraki City, Vaes Dothrak
First things first, I wonder if Dany will ever get tired of saying her full name out loud since it’s almost as long as the foot-long I ate while typing up this blog.
Anyway, Dany finally gets to the all-inclusive Dothraki widow retirement home to join her other widow BFF’s, but to our surprise, it’s not all wine and pillow fights. Instead, she ends up at some dark, little cave where the widows hit Dany with the sad truth: that she will be put on trial for not showing up to this resort right after Khal Drogo died.
Apparently, being stuck there and having to help rule the Dothraki central government for the rest of her life isn’t punishment enough. It seems like now she could face an even worse fate… (It doesn’t involve dating my ex right? Because the widow resort would be a much smarter choice.)
While Dany is busy getting to know her new besties, we move on to Meeran. Tensions were high and the awkwardness was thicker than a juicy chocolate cake… oh boy, am I talking about food? Back to the awkwardness—yes, you could literally cut it with a knife, like cutting a chocolate cake… (Whoops, I did it again! My bad.)
The awkwardness that I am referring to is with Tyrion, who got to talking (or not) with Grey Worm and Missandei, and learned a little bit more about them, like the fact that their good looks really compensate for their lack of personality. I think he also came to the realization that it’s not fun to be sober (fucking duh!) and that his wine is a far better companion than these two.
Just as the conversation got interesting (just kidding), Varys came in and broke the news that the Masters of Astapor, Masters of Yunkai, and the Masters of Volantis are the ones funding the Sons of the Harpy. This means a possible war. But first—wine (for Tyrion…and for me).
We now move on to King’s Landing, where we see mad scientist Qyburn busy feeding candy to little peasant children in exchange for information (not creepy at all). If I didn’t know any better I’d think he had some creepy “Free Candy” van parked outside, or since it’s Game of Thrones, I guess it would be a creepy horse carriage. (Sweet ride, dude.)
Cersei as usual scares the shit out of me.
She and her squad burst into the small-council meeting. They seem to have added their newest member, Olenna Tyrell (I’m very fond of this wise lady). What wouldn’t I do to be a fly on the wall with some extra-butter popcorn, while getting a front-row seat to the mad tension in this scene.
For a second there Cersei feels like the council is on her side when Olenna brings up the pain that the queen had to endure. Cersei thanks her for understanding her struggles, but Olenna corrects Cersei for calling herself the queen and says, “Margaery is the queen. You are not the queen, because you’re not married to the king. I do appreciate these things can get a bit confusing in your family.” It was at that very moment that I knew…that it wouldn’t be long before Olenna is murdered
When the Lannister twins angrily grab chairs and sit down for the council meeting, everyone else gets up and leaves. This only means one thing… I have no doubt that Cercei will take care of them in time, as well.
Lastly, we go to Bernie, I’m sorry, I mean the High Sept, where he talked some bullshit to distract Tommen from the real reason he came to see him—while I remained angry that those few minutes were wasted on the High Sept still being alive and not on showing Jon Snow.
Now, we go to Arya Stark, who is learning to be No One by getting the shit beaten out of her yet again and referring to herself in the third person. Long story short, Arya learns how to defend herself as a blind girl against Braavos’s Regina George and ends up getting her eyesight back after drinking from a magic pool. I’m glad her eyesight is finally back so next episode she’ll be able to actually see herself getting the shit beaten out of her.
All jokes aside, Arya has still kept her sword, Needle, a secret, and she also did not reveal all of the names on her kill list, which lead me to believe that she is still not fully a “No One” and will hopefully return home soon since we’re all clearly super bored and over this chapter in her life.
Lastly, since the Hound’s name was brought up this episode, it is only safe to assume that we will be seeing him this season.
Ramsay Bolton is enjoying being the king of the castle and it seems like he is the only one in denial about the truth behind his father’s death (that is, Ramsay murdering his father in cold blood) since no one else seems to buy his story that his father was poisoned.
Of course, it wouldn’t be a true Game of Thrones episode without someone dying and without a Stark suffering! Drumroll please…and BAM, Rickon Stark, his dead direwolf (yes another fucking direwolf dead) and his Wildling caretaker, Osha, return to us this episode as a gift for Ramsay.
I screamed when I saw this because I was really rooting for the Starks and I am not emotionally prepared to see the youngest, cutest Stark be murdered by that sociopath. I am staying hopeful that someone will rescue Rickon before he becomes Reek 2.0 or a quick human snack for the hounds. I mean, it would literally be absurd to finally bring us back Rickon only for us to watch him be murdered, but then again, I wouldn’t put it past the Game of Thrones writers.