100 Things All Girls Lie About

November 25, 2016 by Violet Benson

This may come as a shock to you but, YES, girls lie sometimes—and by sometimes I mean, like, a lot. Here are 100 things that most, if not all, girls have lied about before:

1. I never lie.

2. I never get jealous.

3. I eat whatever I want and I never gain weight. I guess I’m just that lucky.

4. I don’t care about losing weight, I just want to be healthy.

5. Weight – “I weigh 20 pounds”. (I guess I just haven’t gained weight since I was a kid. #blessed)

6. I work out every day, like at least 9 days a week. (Really, bitch? Nine? Really?!)

7. I’m only going to pop one zit.

8. I have a headache.

9. It was on sale, I swear.

10. I don’t care if my best friend has other friends.

11. Oh, this old thing?? I just threw it on!

12. Yes, this is my real hair and real eyelashes… Would I lie to you?

13. No, I wasn’t ignoring you.

14. Sorry I didn’t text you back, I was just sooo busy… (Busy being on my phone and 100% ignoring you.)

15. We should totally hang out soon.

16. Sure, you can call me whenever.

17. I’ll call you right back.

18. I always get the perfect selfie on the first try. I guess I’m just, like, really photogenic. (It totally doesn’t take me 100 tries and I don’t need perfect lighting.)

19. Okay, I won’t screenshot our conversation. I promise.

 

20. I won’t tell anyone—not even my best friend…

21. I don’t care for attention.

22. I’m not crazy.

23. Age – I’m 21 years old. (I’ve been celebrating my 21’st birthday for 12 years now!)

24. I love sports and camping. (And whatever else I need to say to get me some dick!)

25. I hate drama.

26. I never talk shit.

27. I never watch porn, yuck!

28. I never masturbate. (Those aren’t my vibrators, I’m just keeping them in my nightstand that’s next to my bed for a friend…)

29. #NoMakeup

30. #IWokeUpLikeThis

31. #NoFilter

32. What’s Photoshop? I’ve never heard if it! Even if I have, I would never Photoshop my pictures.

33. Sorry, I have a boyfriend.

34. Sure, we can be friends.

35. I love being the third wheel with my friends and their boyfriends. It’s not depressing, and it doesn’t make me feel pressured to get a boyfriend at all.

36. No, I don’t mind paying.

37. I’m never late.

38. I can’t go out tonight, I’m soooo busy.

39. I’m almost ready

 

40. I never go out.

41. I’m on my way, I’ll be there in 5 minutes.

42. No, you look great, I swear… (Did I say you looked great? What I meant was that you looked brave for leaving your house dressed like that.)

43. I never drink.

44. I’m not drinking tonight.

45. Okay, just one drink…

46. I’m not even drunk.

47. I’m not that drunk.

48. What’s one more drink!?! I can stop whenever I want.

49. I can totally handle another drink.

50. This is my last drink.

51. I’m not drunk texting anyone tonight.

52. I’ve never drunk texted anyone. I guess I’m just really strong like that. (Sure, bitch, and I’ve never tried anal.)

53. I’m not hooking up with anyone tonight, no matter how drunk I get.

54. I’m SO over him.

55. No, I didn’t sleep with him… I swear…

56. I did not drunk text my ex last night. (Okay, fine, maybe once or twice—and by once or twice I mean maybe a couple of hundred times.)

57. I don’t care if he doesn’t text me back.

58. I’m not a Belieber.

59. I would never get back with my ex.

 

60. You have an Instagram? I literally know nothing about you. Please tell me more about your life that I totally didn’t already previously stalk with my best friends. (That 2009 Ibiza trip looked like so much fun, by the way! I mean…what?)

61. Oh, you have an ex? I had noooo idea.

62. I don’t care how much money he has, as long as he has a good personality. (Who cares what’s in his wallet? What matters is what’s in his heart.)

63. I’m a virgin; the tip doesn’t count.

64. Okay, I’ve only been with two guys; the tip doesn’t count.

65. You’re the only guy I’m talking to.

66. I’ve never had anal.

67. I’m on birth control.

68. I NEVER do this.

69. That was the best sex I’ve ever had!

70. I don’t even like him. I don’t care that he hasn’t called me after we’ve had sex.

71. I’m so done with men.

72. Size doesn’t matter to me.

73. Wow, it’s SO big.

74. I can’t handle this dick.

75. Yum, your balls smell like daisies.

76. You don’t need to go down on me, I’d rather just focus on you.

77. Labels don’t matter to me. It hasn’t even crossed my mind to ask if we were exclusive—I don’t even care.

78. I’m totally cool with you seeing other people. (It’s not like I assumed we were exclusive just because we’ve been talking for a few months, I let you bang me in your parent’s bathroom during your family party on the family vacation you took me on, and the fact that you bring me around your friends all the time. HA HA HA, silly me, right!?)

79. I LOVE being single!!! (In case you didn’t believe me, I’ll say it again! I love, love, loveeee being single!!)

 

80. Whatever, do whatever you want.

81. I’m not mad.

82. Nothing’s wrong.

83. I’m fine.

84. I’m over it.

85. My period is pretty much over, so we can totally have sex. (Let’s just turn off the lights and maybe just put a towel under me, just in case.)

86. I don’t care who you’re texting. (I’m a cool girl, not like other girls. Super chill.)

87. I don’t care where we eat—you pick!

88. I’m not hungry, just get food for yourself.

89. No, I didn’t screenshot your dick pic and send it to my group chat to laugh about it.

90. I don’t care that you don’t post pictures of us; what matters is that I know you love me.

91. I don’t care if you like other girls’ pictures and not mine—doesn’t bother me at ALL!

92. I don’t mind if you add stupid sluts on Instagram. I don’t even notice it!! (Did I say sluts??? Because I meant home-wreckers.)

93. I love that you’re still friends with all your exes!

94. I don’t care if you go to a strip club with your friends; I just want you to be happy. Have fun at boys’ night! (Translation: sleep with one eye open tonight.)

95. Not tonight, babe, I just got my period. (I just got my period when you decided to have a boys’ night.)

96. I don’t care for romance. I’m super low maintenance. (No need to do anything special for me on Valentine’s Day or my birthday. I’ll just cry myself to sleep instead.)

97. Scratch my back, I promise I’ll scratch you back.

98. @daddyissues_ Instagram isn’t my favorite account. (Girl, please stop lying to yourself.)

99. Dick pics are the best! I love them! Of course, I’d rather have you send me a dick pic than ask about my day!

100. That dick pic you sent me really turned me on. I just dropped everything I was doing just so I could touch myself to it.

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